Shisha

So last night I tried my first shisha. It's pretty much like a water bong, but a helluva lot more impressive looking. Especially as this one had four hoses. I'm a total convert...flavoured tobacco from a water bong? It's so smooth, you hardly realise you are inhaling mass amounts of nicotine. I want one.

Wonder where the fuck one buys a shisha from though???

Twee

Last night, Muslim Boy and I had a Moment. We were standing outside smoking*, staring up at the stars (I pointed out Orion, the only constellation I know. But you only need to know one, I reckon. Any more is just pretentious.) Muslim Boy gives this big contented sigh, and is all, "This is why I came to New Zealand...I'm living the American Dream...okay, the Kiwi Dream."

Hear that folks? Sinnercyst and Dunhill Essence...helping hot foreign boys live the Kiwi Dream since 2008 :P

*Post-coital nicotine gum just isn't as sexy, somehow.

Drama, Drama

Feel as though I have regressed to two years ago when I was still living with the Beloved Parentals (Has it only been two years?! Feels like forever), as was kicked out by the Ex-fiancé last night. Have been staying with him for a few weeks now as am still officially homeless. But he is getting increasingly possessive and overly dependent, especially considering we are not in a relationship.

He is constantly complaining that I do not spend time with him, and am always excluding him from social events. Well, fuck that. It is not my fault he works night shifts and I work day shifts, so potential together-time is somewhat limited. And if I make plans and don't want him to crash the party for any number of reasons,* surely that is my business? But when he tries to join in on my plans and I refuse, all hell breaks loose. He becomes a petulant child, making expansive claims that I do not care about him, and am just stringing him along, and that I prioritize everyone else in the universe above him. And when I finally do escape his house, I get angry texts the entire night, which is rather a downbuzz.

Anyhoo, last night Muslim Boy invited me to the movies. Having just spent the entire morning cleaning the Ex-fiancé's house and hanging out with him before he went to some work party, I accepted. Ex-fiancé then returned, and after hearing that I was off to the movies, declared that he wanted to take me to the movies, and that no other night would do, and threw a nut, ranting and sulking at intervals. I explained that he did not have a right to dictate my plans, that I did respect & love him, but that I would not be breaking my plans for the evening to hang out with him. Muslim Boy then arrived to pick me up, and as I walked out of the flat, Ex-fiancé yelled at me not to come back.

He needs to go see a shrink who can explain to him that trying to control someone's social life, who they see, and when they leave the house; trying to emotionally manipulate people into cutting people out of their life; trying to guilt someone into some semblance of a relationship...that's emotional abuse. Not cool, not cool at all.

So, Ex-fiancé, I have been oh-so-patient with you. But for all your talk about not liking the way Muslim Boy treats me, it was you who overstepped the line. I'll be picking my stuff up from your flat sometime this week, and won't be returning. I won't be seeing you again, unless I get some acknowledgement that your behavior was way outta line. So long, kid.

*Reasons include: there will be people I have slept with/plan to sleep with present, and he would be overly clingy, ruining my chances; it is a predominantly gay event, and having a heterosexual male Ex-fiancé present cramps my style; or I am a newcomer to the social group in question and therefore do not want an overly dependent Ex making it difficult to mingle. Trés reasonable, no?

Lewd women are to be confined to their houses until death. The Quran 4:15

So I've gone all out and purchased a copy of the Quran. One of those handy editions in English and Arabic plus commentary by some esteemed Muslim chap. Between that and the Skeptics Annotated Quran (http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/quran/index.htm)I have some amusing reading ahead of me.

Was perusing the Skeptics Annotated Quran whilst facebook convo-ing Muslim Boy. Managed to throw in several pieces of newly discovered Islamic doctrine. I had no idea that Islam condones polygamy, although apparently one is only allowed four wives. (Unless you're the Prophet himself, in which case, go for gold!) But Muslim Boy informs me polygamy is seldom practiced, his sole explanation being that it is an old-fashioned practice. Speaking of olden-timey practices, he plans to have an arranged marriage. Weird, hey?

Methinks Muslim Boy suffers somewhat from Doublethink. How else could he be partying it up in NZ (drinking, smoking, fucking) and yet not eat pork for fear of Allah? Or dallying with promiscuous young atheists, whilst quoting the Quran and submitting to an arranged marriage? It really is, in the words of George Orwell "...to repudiate morality while laying claim to it..."

Meh. I am not sure which I like more...Muslim boy himself, or the unprecedented opportunity to learn about a new culture and religion.

Holy War

Have met a young Muslim chap. Due to language barriers, neither of us is quite sure what's going down, but I think he thinks we are going out. It is all very endearing. He appears to be under the illusion that I may convert to Islam, if only given enough time.* And I am quite convinced that I can overcome his slight homophobia and chauvinism. Could be interesting.

Am somewhat overwhelmed by everyone's horror that I am dating a Muslim boy. They seem to be convinced that he will attempt to control my life, seduce me into a relationship and then destroy me slowly, take me to a Muslim country and steal my passport so I can't leave, and/or any combination of the above. The horror stories of people's friends/sisters/cousins who once dated Muslim boys are being offered up in droves. Which just seems to me to be racial/religious intolerance...just like not every Christian is a nutter like Beloved Pater, surely not all Muslim boys are abusive wankers...are they??

Have had the odd text from Muslim Boy that has made me wonder where I draw the line. Like, I have altered what I deem to be acceptable in the interests of respecting cultural differences. But even so, I resent being told to dress up and put on make-up in order to impress his friends. Or instead of being invited to a party, being told what time it starts, and ordered not to be late.

But when I explain that he can't speak to me that way, he is totally apologetic and respectful. Does that make it okay???

*Has even offered to teach me Arabic, in response to my offer to re-read the Koran, as "it's not the same in English." Hmm...

Open Schmopen

Breaking news from stuff.co.nz...an article with the intriguing headline "Timberlake, Biel's 'Open Relationship'" informs us that apparently JT and Jessica Biel are just "friends with benefits."

This article pisses me off. Not because it is undoubtedly entirely fictional. I have no problem with the media conjuring up imaginary celeb scandals - we expect nothing less.

1. In the words of the omnipresent and omniscient "source", "Justin was very clear with Jessica that he didn't want to be in a serious relationship with her anymore where he wasn't able to date other people. Jessica took the news very hard, but once she calmed down and they started talking again, he convinced her to stay friends who hook up, without all the pressure of a relationship."

Did they really need to put this wee stereotype out there? Jessica Biel is fucking gorgeous, wealthy and successful. If she wants a goddamn relationship, I have no doubt at all that she could get one. Why then is she suddenly being portrayed as some wilting wee flower, being forced into a fuckbuddy relationship against her will? The dog catching the sexual crumbs from JT's table, as it were?

2. "Friends who hook up" is not an open relationship. That's called being fuckbuddies or FWB. An open relationship can be many things, but it IS a relationship, meaning that on some level it is a meaningful commitment to another person, with a MUTUAL agreement not to be monogamous.

This sort of drivel is the reason people cannot comprehend the concept of an open relationship, always convinced one of the parties has been somehow convinced against their will. They cannot accept that one can make a meaningful commitment to someone without the M-word (monogamy).

3. "Justin gets the best of both worlds. He doesn't have to lose Jess as a lover or a friend, but he's free to explore other relationships." They. THEY are free to explore other relationships.

4. "...Justin was not ready to make a commitment and settle down." This is not the reason one enters an open relationship. This is why one gets a fuckbuddy. Which is apparently what JT has done. Props to him. Now can they stop bandying about the "open relationship" phrase, when clearly that's not what's going down?

Eureka Moment

I have finally figured out what everyone I like has in common. It is their ability to communicate things in unexpected ways. A sort of poetical, unexpected twist to every phrase.

I have also finally figured out why this is. It is because they tend to be drug-fucked to the point where they lose the words or phrases for common objects or experiences, and are forced to describe things in different ways. If the point of poetry is to express something in a way in which it has not been expressed before, then surely someone who is incapable of expressing things in the expected way epitomises the entire point of poetry.

Example: (line breaks added, the rest is word for word)

still, theres that elusive thing
i'm not sure how to put it into words
like sitting somewhere, and people, and you
and their faces, and conversations; interesting,

but its like tiny nerves
like fingers typing, just tiny things,
it's the subtle reactions, the nerves
that make things interesting

eyes scanning a bit
but just tickling isn't sex
often you need to FUCK
don't know if this makes sense

kinda what i'm looking for
sometimes i find it, but it's so easy to lose
like getting into this groove
not really sure what that means
other than the obvious

I find people who talk like that strangely sexy. God knows why. Unless it is that I am turned on by people incapable of cliches?